The Rebirth of Bella Swan
by CrazyLittleWriter
Summary: Bella's life was complete until Edward left. She is now broken and lifeless, doing things that may endanger her life. Who will Edward return to after she's built walls to protect herself? Will she ever be the same girl he fell in love with? ExB
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**** This is my first ever fanfic so I'm sort of new to the whole writing scene. This is set during New Moon and please take note of the dates used throughout the chapters so that you can tell the difference between the past and present day.**

**Reviews would be great and as an extra incentive, the best reviewer of each chapter will receive a dedication in the next one. **

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

_-Prologue-_

_This is Bella Swan's Story. _

_If it were to be published, book store owners would find trouble in categorizing it. Why? For it contains heartbreak, sorrow and pain but also the sorts of romance and mythical creatures you would expect to find in a fiction book. _

_Do not be lulled into a false sense of security when reading the beginning of her tale, for the happiness she felt is now a distant memory._

_The beings that created her joy are long gone and they aren't coming back._

_This brings us to the darkness in her life. You see, this young girl was naïve when she fell in love. She became too attached to something that could never be hers._

_So seventeen year old Bella Swan must pay for her mistakes; suffering day after day without the bright light that illuminated her life._

_For passers by she would merely appear to be a plain teen that had perhaps broken up with her boyfriend. She would recover in a couple of days; start laughing and joking again with her friends._

_That is where the fleeting strangers are wrong though._

_What happens if everything you thought was real turns out to be a lie?_

_If your reason for being vanished into thin air?_

_The love of your life abandoned you in this cruel, lonely world?_

_Bella Swan had plenty of time to perfect her façade of normalcy; put up brick walls to protect herself from anymore pain that could cause her to shatter into unfixable pieces._

_Inside, however, she is numb and void of emotion. The depression, sorrow, self-loathing and guilt have evaporated, leaving her a shell._

_The memories haven't though. The memories can't ever be forgotten._

_I assume if you have made it this far then you are able to cope with Bella Swan's story, but I leave you with a final warning: don't expect a happily ever after._

**A/N: I know this is short, but it is only the prologue. Please let me know what you think!**

_**CrazyLittleWriter**_


	2. The End of the Beginning

**Author's Note****:**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and I would appreciate it if you could leave me some feedback in a review. **

**This chapter is dedicated to **AngelVanguard.

* * *

"_This is not the end. It is not even the __beginning__ of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the __beginning__.__"_

Winston Churchill

12th September 2005

_-Flashback-_

Bella smiled to herself as she felt a familiar pair of strong arms cradle her to their cool chest. She was a strange sort of creature, finding comfort in the icy touch as opposed to shying away from it.

"Are you awake love?" A velvet voice whispered in her delicate ear.

"Mmmm," was her intelligent reply – she really didn't do mornings, especially when she would much rather spend it in bed with a rather charming vampire.

A small chuckle escaped his lips but was quickly silenced when Bella's own lips found them and pressed into their perfect outline. She felts as though she could spend a lifetime kissing Edward. Time seemed to stop completely as his love was reflected in the movement of his unyielding lips. All too soon, however, he pulled away and stared deep into her eyes, almost as though he was able to see her soul too.

Bella recognised her own chocolate brown orbs reflected in his eyes – there were currently her favourite colour, topaz, light from his recent hunting trip with the rest of his family.

"I'll take that as a yes," he replied before continuing, "Do you want to go to our meadow this morning?" She loved how he said _our_ meadow. Ever since, that first visit Bella had fallen in love with the grassy clearing in the forest and they often visited it to escape the problems in every day life for a few hours.

"Of course, but can I have a human moment first?" The realisation dawned on her that she probably had morning breath and instantly became embarrassed thinking back to how she hadn't thought of that when kissing Edward a few minutes ago. The heat rushed to her cheeks, revealing her signature blush. Edward simply caressed the splashes of pink, cooling her face with his icy fingertips.

"I love it when you do that," Edward's smooth voice interrupted the silence "and by the way, your breath is still minty from brushing your teeth last night." A smirk playing on his lips.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind!"

"Silly Bella, I have spent so long studying that beautiful face of yours that I have learnt to read your emotions, seeing as I can't read your mind." His eyes only showed compassion, instantly soothing her earlier worries as she closed the small space between them; crashing their lips together. His lips felt firm yet soft against her own and were as though there were meant to touch hers.

Bella's heartbeat rapidly increased and no doubt Edward could hear it, as his lips curled up into a smile before he suddenly had me in his arms and moved at vampire speed to the kitchen.

Oh the perks of having a vampire for a boyfriend.

* * *

The bell rang, startling Bella from her daydream. She couldn't tell you anything that Mr Banner had said all lesson. Quickly shoved her books in the aged orange rucksack, Edward slung it over his shoulder before grasping her hand in his. The cool touch always brought a sense of relief that Bella had been aching for the entire lesson.

The couple made their way through the swarming corridor of students, avoiding the scrutiny of the teens who still couldn't believe that they were _together._

Bella felt invincible walking with the God-like creature beside her but that was short-lived when Edward announced he was buying lunch.

"Edward, you know I hate you spending money on me."

"Lunch is hardly expensive, Bella, and it's a necessity to keep you alive. " He replied smoothly.

"Yes but I can pay for it myself you know," She countered, pouting. It was at that point she made the embarrassing discovery that her purse was in fact empty, the last of her money having been spent on the groceries.

She groaned, tipping her head back in defeat and Edward knew he'd won this battle, a smug smile creeping onto his face - she would have gone without lunch just to keep him from spending his money.

"And anyway if you died, I would too so technically you need to eat to keep _me_ alive." Edward continued, a crooked smile appearing on his lips, pleased with his logic but also making light of the serious words he had said.

Of course she'd do anything for Edward, that's why he'd stooped so low as to use that card and Bella reluctantly agreed to accept the tray he'd already piled high with food.

Taking a chunk out of the apple, Bella considered her future with Edward. She thought of three options, the first being that she could stay human and continue her relationship with Edward how it currently was. The downside being that they would never be able to progress to more intimate things and her self-esteem rose it's ugly head as it told her Edward wouldn't want her when she was her Grandmother's age either.

Secondly, Edward could change her. It would resolve the clumsiness and she would finally feel able to stand by his side as an equal. Best of all they would be together forever – huh, sounds kind of cliché but at least Edward would be able to promise that in the literal sense. The biggest problem on Bella's behalf, of course, would be saying goodbye to her family and friends. Not forgetting the persuasion of Edward to commit to this idea either.

Lastly, they could both go their separate ways. For Bella this was barely worth considering as she truly believed that Edward was the only person that could make her complete. She'd heard Edward's theory on her being his exact brand of heroin but he was like her oxygen.

Unknown to Bella, Edward had spent endless hours contemplating the last option during his time next to a sleeping human girl. Was there not someone more deserving of her love in this world? A human out there who could offer her a happy and normal life?

Edward loathed the fact that he was too selfish to give her up; he would never be able to forgive himself if he had to take away her innocent, caring soul in return for inhumanly beautiful, dead body.

The silence quickly became too much for Edward who was still unable to get used to her silent mind.

"What are you thinking?" He murmured softly, breaking her reverie.

"Ummm..." She desperately tried to come up with something to say, not wanting to tell Edward about what she was really thinking. It would make him mad. She knew his opinion on her immortality.

"I was wondering why apples only come in red or green, "She abruptly replied quickly spotting the apple in her outlaid palm. Geez Bella, real smart reply – he'll definitely believe that.

"Bella you are a terrible liar," Edward scolded playfully "What are you really thinking?" He continued more softly, his sweet breath fanning her face.

The dazzling rapidly became too much for Bella to handle as she blurted out, "Our future!"

"Oops!" She soon realised what had just flown from her lips, slapping a palm over her mouth as though she could lock away the words that had already escaped.

A hint of ancient sadness flashed in Edward's eyes before he quickly composed himself – his face masking any real emotions.

"What about our future," he responded coolly, feigning innocence.

A scowl graced Bella's face; he knew fully well what part of their future she was asking about.

He raised his eyebrows, wishing for her to continue. Sighing in frustration she replied "I'm not going to live forever you know."

"And..." Edward's lack of worry over the matter angered Bella. In her mind it was as though he didn't love her enough to want her around forever. The traitorous tears began welling up in her eyed so she tilted her head away from Edward, allowing her hair to create a shield. A rebellious tear escaped though, leaving a trail across her pale cheek. Suddenly, an icy fingertip trapped the tear in its path before raising her chin to look at the owner.

Edward's face was no longer reserved; all Bella could see was the raw pain that he had been hiding from her.

"Bella," Edward whispered roughly, finding her hand and rubbing circles on the back of it, just a bit too quickly for it to be comforting.

"We've had this conversation so many times before, you know why I can't change you – it would be criminal to destroy such a beautiful heart and soul. Can't we just enjoy your human years together?"

"But I don't want to ever be apart from you Edward," Bella responded in a mutter, her voice choked from the recent tears.

"Let's not have this conversation in the cafeteria," Edward said with a little more composure, the mask firmly back in place, reminding her of where they were. It was so easy to forget about things such as school with Edward – as though they were in their own untouchable bubble.

"Just promise me one thing," she asked softly, "You will change me if I'm dying."

There was just a slight hesitation before Edward replied even more softly than she had and Bella strained her human ears to catch what he said, "Bella, I love you and I will always. Don't ever forget that."

* * *

Present Day

It pains Bella to dredge up each and everyone on this memories but it is the last time she will consciously do it.

She cannot begin her new life until she has relived every kiss, every touch, every word spoken between them. _He _may not have these moments etched onto his memory, but she certainly will.

It's different living these occasions again, for she cannot believe all the promises he made –they were broken in a matter of seconds. Those very seconds destroyed her trust in people, her reason for living and her soul. It seems ironic really, he was so obsessed with protecting Bella's soul yet he shattered it so carelessly without her reaping the benefits.

What would Edward feel if he saw his precious human as she is now: lifeless. That isn't Bella in the mirror – a young girl with permanent dark rings under her sunken in and empty eyes, a frail body that is wasting away and lanky, flat hair. Would he be guilty that he caused this? Or wouldn't he even think twice? After all he doesn't care about her now – she was simply a distraction, another hobby to fill a few months of his never ending life.

The most difficult memory to relive is fast approaching. Bella has never consciously thought about it because the pain it would bring could cripple even the strongest of men. That doesn't stop it constantly replaying in her sleeping mind though; taunting her, teasing her.

You have been warned….

* * *

13th September 2008

Edward led the fragile girl into the unwelcoming shadows of the forest but she didn't worry – not with her own personal protector. He wore a guarded expression and had been acting quite cautiously since the conversation with his family earlier in the day.

Seeing as Edward kept avoiding the discussion about their future, Bella had decided to take matters into her own hands and held a meeting at his house. It wasn't just Edward that was an important part of her life after all; there were strong relationships with the other members of his family, Alice especially.

The whole family was keen for Bella to become a vampire with the exception of Rosalie. She still believed that the human was selfish for wanting to give up her chance of a normal life when the rest of them had no choice in the matter.

One part of the conversation, however, seemed to strike a raw chord with Edward: having a family. Rosalie spoke of how she always wished to have a child, but Bella was never really the type that longed to be a mother; it seemed she had never developed 'motherly instincts'.

Bella hadn't thought too much of it at the time, putting it down to his broody nature but on reflection he had barely muttered more than a few words to her since.

Unknown to Bella, Edward's sharp mind was in turmoil. The last few days seemed to reveal the harsh reality of their relationship. On one hand he knew that leaving Bella would cause her a serious amount of anguish and that it would be hard on him too. She had a human mind though and if removed himself from her life then she had a chance of freedom, happiness. Maybe she would go on to have a family and he couldn't stop the images that accompanied this thought: Charlie watching baseball with his Grandkids, Bella in a successful job; her selflessness helping others and finally his true love in the arms of another man; kissing passionately. He winced internally at that, easily being able to connect the resemblance of his imagined man with Jacob Black.

The only other option he could see was changing her since she was so adamant about not ageing. The picture of an angel like girl graced his mind; her brown hair luscious and the red eyes gleaming at him. Could he live with taking her soul away though? Know for the rest of his existence that he had essentially murdered a beautiful and pure girl? It seemed like the ultimate act of selfishness in his opinion.

Bella suddenly found herself in a part of the forest that she didn't recognise – she would have no clue how to return home without Edward as her guide.

Abruptly, he dropped her arm from his iron grip before staring seriously into Bella's eyes. What she saw before her was surprising; his eyes were pitch black and deadly, eerily similar to their first encounter in Biology.

His gaze continued to burn a hole into her before finally a detached, monotone voice sliced through the tension, "We're leaving."

The words brought a sense of relief to Bella – that's what he must have been so worried about over the past few days. The sudden decision was slightly shocking though as she began to think of ways to break the news to Charlie.

"Ok, where to? Will you help me pack? Alice has made my wardrobe so much bigger now!" She replied, chuckling slightly. The realisation of his reasoning behind his moodiness had left her with a sense of giddiness.

"You're not coming."

_What? He was leaving me behind? I must have missed something here – Edward would never leave me._ Bella's mind was almost working in slow motion, as though she was intoxicated and couldn't quite grasp the meaning of his words.

"Don't you want me to come?" She managed to choke out.

"No." There was no emotion in his voice – this wasn't the Edward that she knew.

"But w-why not?" Her words were stuttered as she attempted to keep hold the wails that were desperate to burst from her chest.

She braced herself as she stared Edward straight in the eye, awaiting his answer. His next few words where the pivot point that her entire world rested upon.

"I don't love you." Four words shattered her heart into a million pieces and she sunk to the cold, damp forest floor, no longer able to withhold the pained cries that shook her body.

The words alone would not have kept her from aimlessly running through the forest, tripping and stumbling in an attempt to catch up but the pure honesty that she saw in his eyes.

Edward Cullen didn't love Bella Swan.

She curled herself into a ball in a pitiful attempt to hold her trembling body together and cried. She cried for all the times he had kissed her. She cried for all the memories with him and his family. She cried for all the touches that had been shared. She cried for what their future could have been and she cried for all the times he said he'd loved her.

* * *

**A/N: ****Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading,**

_**CrazyLittleWriter**_


	3. A Better Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**** Well I said this chapter would be up within a week but I'm afraid real life happened which left me with very little time and no internet connection so this is a bit delayed - sorry!**

**Thanks to those who have favourited/alerted/reviewed this story so far – I do try to respond to everyone!**

**This chapter is dedicated to** Dr Be Damned –** thanks for the lovely message you sent me!**

**I would also like to thank Project Team Beta for helping me with this chapter.**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of CrazyLittleWriter. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and remember to review to get the chance to receive a dedication in the next chapter!**

"_You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time."_

_Charles F. Kettering_

_As Twilight fell in the murky forest, delicate feet could be heard running through it. Barely touching the ground, they flew over roots and branches. Pain branched through her very being as she was still no closer to what she craved. With every stride, s he seemed to get further and further away, until a figure abruptly appeared right in front of her. _

_He was so close that she could see his muscles rippling under the black cotton shirt that clothed his lean back. Glancing up, she knew exactly who it was as a shock of bronze hair met her curious eyes, raindrops glistening on the silky, tousled locks. The body that she had been endlessly chasing slowly turned, and_aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa _ the innocent girl was suddenly met with piercing red eyes – not the golden ones she was expecting._

_A sinister smile broke out on the vampire's chiselled face, lips curling back to reveal razor-sharp teeth that were inching closer to the pulse point at her neck. Cool breath fanned her overheated skin, warning her senses – _run! _She was trapped under his deadly spell though, frozen to the spot._

_She braced herself for the snap of jaws that would undoubtedly end her life. She wasn't frightened, though – instead she welcomed the peace that death would bring. _

_Images of car parking lots, alleyways and ballet studios ran through her mind as she prepared herself for the snap of jaws that would undoubtedly end her life. She fought with the flight instinct within her whilst adrenaline pumped through her veins, heightening the hunter's senses. A final image was burnt on her memory of her saviour in all his glory. The same creature that had saved her life so many times would finally make her meet her fate. Instead though, four words were hissed that caused her more pain than if the incisors had torn through her skin..."I don't love you..."_

As she was finally released from the nightmare, her body sprang forward. It was the same one; it always was. She may have been able to keep a hold of her thoughts during the day, but it didn't stop her mind tormenting her while she slept. 

Cold sweat drenched her body so that her tattered pajamas glued to her pale skin. The same thing had happened every time she had awoken in the early hours of the morning for the past two weeks.

Bella had done nothing but think within the confines of her room during the two weeks she was out of school. Charlie was concerned; it didn't seem normal for a teen to be _mourning_ over the departure of her boyfriend. It was a 'fling' in his mind, a high school crush. There was no way he could ever comprehend the depths of her feelings for this seventeen-year-old boy.

It would all be okay once she returned to school. Bella would mope around for a couple more days, but she would be laughing with her friends again, and there would be other boys – after all, it wasn't as though she was going to end up marrying this _Edward. _At least, that's what he comforted himself with – deep down, he knew that Bella wasn't the sort to move on easily when those she loved left.

It had crossed Charlie's mind more than once that he should send Bella to her mother. Renee would know the kinds of things that were supposed to be said to soothe a girl overcoming a breakup – as a middle-aged chief of police, he wasn't equipped to give girly pep talks.

He didn't want to admit it, but he knew he was keeping Bella in Forks out of selfishness. He had become accustomed to having company during the long evenings. It was nice having family around, and he wanted to keep the feeling for longer. Was he not worthy of happiness?

Bella's mind was her worst enemy. For two weeks she had allowed it to control her with 'what ifs', _What if I'd done this? _Or _What if I hadn't done that? _Would she be in the arms of who she loved most if one single decision had been different?

Fate was a funny concept. Was it simply a coincidence that had made her move to Forks after Renee had met Phil? Luck that had made her sit next to one boy in particular during Biology?

Bella had finally come to the conclusion that perhaps fate had intervened...but fate didn't decide everything. After all, she was a free person, free to make independent decisions. She didn't believe that her entire life had been planned out by someone – what kind of person would want to inflict such heartbreak? She couldn't help but wonder, though, what would have happened if she had allowed fate to take its course; was her relationship always destined to end?

There was only one thing that Bella Swan was certain of in the midst of all these endless questions; she was glad something had brought her and Edward together. Been given those few months of bliss. Bella believed that she had taken more happiness than she deserved. That is was now time to pay-off her debts.

It was time to start afresh. Bella knew she had to at least pretend to return to normal, even if it would never happen in reality. She would do her best, though...for Charlie – she owed him that much.

Bella rolled off her bed, feet padding across the carpet to the bathroom. Inhaling deeply, she lifted her head to stare at the reflection in the mirror. Uneasiness settled in the bottom of her stomach as she realized the extent of damage she had caused in two mere weeks.

Glaring unflinchingly back at her was a small and sad girl. Her hair was thin and lank, lacking the lustrous glow it once had. Sharp cheekbones were beginning to jut out from pale, tear-stained skin. Once plump, ruby-red lips were now cracked and blending into her unhealthy complexion.

The most frightening thing about Bella Swan's dramatic change, though, was her eyes. Edward had loved the chocolate orbs that were his looking glass into her otherwise guarded-mind. Her eyes could tell a story and instantly give away whatever she was feeling.

Today Bella Swan's eyes were flat, empty and lifeless. They no longer lit-up when she smiled, or gave away her thoughts. Her tear-ducts were dry now; there were no more tears left in her to cry.

She knew that she couldn't go into school like this. At home, she could curl up into a ball and let the anguish take hold. That wasn't possible at school and she didn't want people feeling sorry for her – the self-loathing made her think his leaving was all her fault.

So she forced her muscles to make the edges of her mouth curl up in an attempt at a smile, but it looked all wrong and out of place. With a sharp intake of breath, she realized that it looked similar to the smile on the character from her dream.

After a few more tries, she managed to make it look almost normal, but the smile never reached her eyes. From now on, everything was an act. Bella had to act human like the Cullens did. How ironic.

Next in her 'human transformation', Bella removed the lid from her concealer stick and dabbed it onto the purple rings that were pulling her eyes down. She conceded that her hair was a lost cause, so flung it into a ponytail before tying it with an elastic band.

Jeans, sneakers and a hoodie seemed like a good outfit that would help her blend in at school – she was hoping that the hoodie would conceal her from the probing looks that would inevitably be aimed at her throughout the day.

Carefully making her way down the stairs, she couldn't help but wonder how many times she would end up in the emergency room now that there was no one to catch her. After all, the floor and Bella had a very intimate relationship. She grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and nibbled it whilst reading the note Charlie had left on the table in his clumsy scrawl that resembled her own:

_Bells,_

_I'm at the station today but if you need anything or want_

_to talk then just give me a call and I'll come right home. Take it_

_easy - I love you,_

_Dad._

There was some space at the bottom of his note, so she quickly scribbled that she was going to school today and would make dinner for them tonight.

She slung her bag over her shoulder from where it had laid for the past two weeks, before taking the first few steps into her new life.

Pulling into the parking lot, she could already feel the stares on her before the offending students turned to whisper remarks to their friends.

Mike was opening Bella's door the second she'd turned the ignition off, a wide grin stretched across his face.

"Hi Bella!" he exclaimed. "It's good to see you back!"

"Hi," she replied robotically, before pushing past him to get to class. She wasn't in the mood for a conversation, especially not with the over-enthusiastic Mike Newton – if it weren't for the fact that she needed the job at his parents' store, she wouldn't have responded at all.

"Hey, I was wondering," he continued, dodging the crowds to keep up with her, "if you wanted to hang out sometime, you know..."

But his voice mixed with the babbling voices in the corridor as they entered the doors. Outrage clouded Bella's mind– did he have no consideration for how she might be feeling? The day she returns to school and he's already acting like a lost puppy again. Just as she was about to interrupt Mike with a string of profanities and reflection of her thoughts, an image of her and Edward laughing while walking to class flashed through her mind.

Bella struggled to maintain control as she felt the memories about to crush her once more. _Not at school – get a grip, Bella._ She chided herself internally. Everything was like a living memorial – places they'd fleetingly visited, songs that had been playing when she'd been with him, the list went on. She'd just have to deal with it like everything else in her life.

Mike turned to her. "So what do you think?"

"No," she said simply, feeling empty and devoid of emotion. Turning on her heel, she headed to Trigonometry – she didn't have the heart to let him down gently anymore. There was no painful guilt that followed, even as she pictured Mike's shocked, boyish face.

Bella definitely wasn't looking forward to the Spanish Inquisition with Jessica. The thought of skipping class had crossed her mind, but she had reminded herself that she was doing this for Charlie, and school was the start to rebuilding some false sense of normalcy.

The questions were fired as soon as Bella sat in the stiff, cheap plastic chair – subtlety never had been one of Jessica's strong points.

"Have the Cullens really gone?"

"Did Edward dump you?"

"Are you still in contact with them?"

"Where have they gone?"

"Are they coming back?"

It hurt more than she expected it to as Jessica said his name so casually, wincing as she felt the hole in her chest burn. She could simply have ignored her , as the questions came shooting, one after another, but responding to people was something that most considered 'normal', so one word answers were given, keeping any emotion out of her face and tone.

"Have the Cullens really gone?" _Yes._

"Did Edward dump you?" _Yes._

"Are you still in contact with them?" _No._

"Where have they gone?"_ I don't know._

"Are they coming back?" _No._

She took Bella's final _no_ as a warning. Jessica turned her attention back to the front of the classroom to avoid anymore questions bursting out. She really did find it difficult to avoid prying.

Bella's grades had always been quite good, but she decided to throw herself into her studies from now on – there was nothing to distract her, and it would please Charlie. No matter how fast she scribbled down her notes or how hard she listened to the teacher, she still couldn't stop a part of her mind from lingering on the memories that kept the burning in her chest alight.

The bell finally sounded and Bella packed up her things quickly before making her way down to the cafeteria. As she stepped inside, she was struck by how reliant she had become on the Cullens. Every hour of her day had been spent in their company, neglecting the people who had first welcomed her into Forks High School. Nervously glancing at the empty table she had once sat at, she realized that she had no one to sit with.

A gentle touch on Bella's forearm broke her from her thoughts, and she turned to see Angela Weber smiling down at her. "Hey, why don't you come sit with us," she asked softly, gesturing with her free hand to the table Bella had sat at during her first day at Forks High.

"Thanks," she replied quietly and then remembered to smile, but by then Angela was already walking towards the table.

As she made her way over, Bella was met with stares from Jessica, Tyler, Ben and Mike. They quickly rearranged their faces into polite smiles. Lauren didn't hide her disgust, and stage-whispered whilst looking right at her, "I thought we'd gotten rid of Bella when she joined the Cullens."

That comment hurt Bella more deeply than she wanted to admit, but it didn't show on her face as she lowered herself into a chair next to Angela. She picked at her lunch, not tasting anything as it slid uncomfortably down her throat.

"Are you guys ready for the trip to La Push this weekend?" Jessica asked the group, despite her attention being focused entirely on Mike Newton.

"Sure, I reckon they'll be some good waves," supplied Tyler, chewing on a slice of pizza.

The rest of the table continued discussing the trip, but Bella's mind was elsewhere. Feigning interest in the conversation, she couldn't help but remember the beach and legends attached to it.

"You could come with us, you know," Angela told her after lunch.

"Thanks, but I have a ton of laundry to do this weekend, and some schoolwork, to catch up on." Bella lied, unaware of how easily it slipped from her lips.

"Okay, well let me know if you change your mind," she replied kindly, before giving her a small smile. Just as Bella began walking away, however, she caught her arm and whispered, "I'll always be here for you, Bella."

Her promise was more than Bella thought she deserved, but she was thankful that Angela had rescued her and welcomed her back so easily today. So Bella forced herself to make eye contact with Angela, trying to communicate this – she seemed to understand her and gave a sympathetic smile in acknowledgement.

The next lesson would be the most difficult of the day for Bella: Biology. Just walking into that classroom made the ache in her chest flare up and her eyes cloud over as she spotted the empty desk that had once been theirs.

Dumping her bag down, she glanced around. There was the television that had caused many tense lessons, the blood testing kits which had forced her to be carried to the medical room and the microscopes sat in the corner that they had used that first and life-changing time they had met.

Taking in all these sights made her feel light-headed; barely eating in the past two weeks probably didn't help either. She placed her forehead on the desk; the coolness of it was soothing but achingly familiar. _Come on , Bella, focus. Focus on Charlie and pull yourself together._ She somehow managed to pull herself out of the black hole threatening to take over as Mr. Banner made his way into the room.

Bella concentrated solely on his monotone voice for the entire lesson, not allowing her mind to wander into any memories, and for the first time in a fortnight, she felt nothing. After the rollercoaster of emotions, she was finally numb.

Those happy months of her life were now locked away in a box at the back of her mind. Although she would never forget them, they no longer held the power to control her – she was the only one with they key to release them.

**A/N: Well there you go! I would love to hear your thoughts and I always reply to reviews.**

**Remember that the best reviewer will also receive a dedication in the next chapter.**

**Until next time,**

_**CrazyLittleWriter**_


	4. The Hard Way

**Author's Note:**** Hello readers!**

**Than**** you as always to those who have favourited/alerted/reviewed this story so far. Your reviews mean such a lot to me.**

**This chapter is dedicated to**: hc4metal – **thank you so much for your continued support of this story! Remember to get a dedication in the next chapter you need to have written the best review for this chapter!**

**A special thanks also goes to my lovely new beta **LisaDawn75 – **she's made this chapter readable for all of you! Her fic **Deliver Me From Evil** is absolutely great, I suggest you go check it out.**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

_**Please note that this chapter deals with self-harm and I do not condone anything that Bella does in this story.**_

"_The hard way is the right way."_

_John Alves_

Time is a healer.

Time faded scars, resolved arguments and fixed problems, but no matter how much time passed, Bella Swan's heart could never be complete.

In three months she'd come a long way – hit rock bottom and survived; pulled herself together and got on with life. She had no inclination to do it for herself though. Everything was for Charlie.

In those first few weeks, Bella had thought of so many ways to end it all. That would be taking the easy way out, though, and she wasn't a quitter. Instead, she threw herself into anything to take her mind off _him._ Her schoolwork was outstanding and she had surprised all of her teachers by exceeding their expectations – the two weeks she had spent off school had only made Bella more determined to succeed. She was never a minute late to work at the Newton's store and she was a favourite with the customers. Charlie's dinner was on the table as soon as he stepped through the door. The house was spotless and the cupboards were always filled with food.

Bella had a clean record, too. She hadn't gotten in with the 'wrong crowd' and started drinking or taking drugs to relieve the constant agony. There was no self-harming or sleeping around; in fact, she never even went out the house except to school, the supermarket and work at the Newton's store.

What was she supposed to do once she had graduated though? There was more to life than what she was currently doing, but Bella had no desire to search for whatever 'it' was. She had faced more pain than most had suffered in a lifetime. No one seemed to understand this wasn't something she was going to get over.

What's the point in living when there is no one to live your life with? For the first time in her life, Bella Swan truly felt lonely. Sure, her friends at school had welcomed her back, but they had coped fine without her. Renee had Phil and even Charlie seemed to be rather comfortable in the company of Sue Clearwater, Leah and Seth's mother.

Nobody needed her anymore, and the one she needed the most had left her to struggle alone.

The only benefit received from this whole ordeal was the improvement in Bella's acting ability. There was plenty of time to rehearse – she practised everyday from half past six in the morning when she awoke to ten-thirty in the evening when she said goodnight to Charlie.

That was why she was surprised when Charlie had, suddenly, slammed his first down on the kitchen table that evening.

"Stop it Bella, just, stop it."

"Stop what?" she replied, her voice rough from lack of use.

"I can't bear to watch you like this any longer."

"But, what's wrong? I don't understand." Bella's face remained blank, devoid of any emotions.

"This," Charlie stated, gesturing up and down her body with pain-filled eyes.

Bella had been wrong. She hadn't fooled Charlie one bit. A couple of months ago she would have broken down at this discovery, ashamed that she had even considered deceiving her father. Her feelings would not reach the surface now; she was competent at compressing them. Charlie deserved better than to have suffer through that again – those nights of hearing her anguished cries and screams. So instead, she inhaled deeply and hid behind the wall she had created.

Bella was safe there, hidden. It had been built up over the months out of self-preservation, becoming nearly shatterproof. She knew that if something like the incident with the Cullens happened again, then she wouldn't come out of it, not even for Charlie.

She was a different person now, not the Bella that had come to Forks.

"I'm fine, Dad. My studies are going great and the house is in good shape. I even have enough money saved from my work for my first semester at college," she spoke in a rushed tone in an attempt to distract Charlie from the matter at hand.

"But that's the problem, Bells," he whispered exasperated.

"What do you want me to do?" Bella was thoroughly confused now. Did he want her to get into trouble?

"I want you to be a normal teenage girl, Bella. It's a Friday night! You should be out with your friends or something," he said with more strength to his voice. "Having fun."

It was torture for Charlie to watch Bella and he wouldn't let it continue like this any longer. Three months. That's how long she had been like this walking zombie. He thought it was almost better if she was crying endlessly like those few days after the Cullen's departure – at least she would be showing some emotion.

Her entire outlook on life appeared to have changed since she had left the note on the table saying she was going to school and would cook dinner that night. Charlie had been pleased, things seemed to be returning to how they should – balance restored.

But when she came back from school, she was different – not his Bells.

He had watched her over the next few months, expecting to see her return to her normal self, but it never came.

On paper, Bella was excellent – high grades, good reputation at work, looked after the house and cooked. But if you took one look in her dead and lonesome eyes, you could tell she was not right.

By busying herself with school, cleaning, cooking and work, she thought that she'd tricked Charlie into thinking she had recovered. It was the little things he'd picked up on. The way she would casually excuse herself from the room when the television was switched on. How he could never hear any music coming from her bedroom. Most upsetting of all was the way she distanced herself from people. Not just physically by keeping space between her and others, but giving clipped answers to questions and never really showing what she truly felt.

What Charlie would do to get his hands on that boy who had destroyed his daughter. Little did he know that even if he brought his riffle with him, he stood no chance against Edward Cullen. He felt betrayed, too. He had trusted the Cullens, stood up for them against his closest friend, Billy Black, and then they had vanished into thin air, leaving him with nothing but a destroyed daughter.

Bella was truly lifeless, a robot. She did everything that was asked of her, but there was no emotion behind it. It was as though there was nothing left of her to give, but she would still try and then try even harder. She continued with her life as though nothing had happened, trying...for Charlie.

But Charlie Swan just wanted his Bella back.

Just as Bella turned to leave the kitchen, she swore she heard Charlie whisper so quietly she wasn't even sure she heard it, "I just want my Bella back."

Those few words were like a sharp blow to the wall protecting her. So she ran up to her room to escape Charlie's eyes, in case she couldn't control herself.

However, after months of suppressing unwanted feelings, it wasn't long before she felt the familiar numbness wash over her once more.

Three months ago, she would have welcomed a release from the constant pain with open arms, but she realised that she didn't deserve to be released from her punishment for loving _him_. It was wrong not to feel pain – she should be suffering.

She was tired of being empty inside; Bella wanted to feel something again…anything.

In her frustration, Bella's blunt fingernails were digging into her forearms. Surprised, she quickly released her arms. Four curved imprints had been left on the supple skin, a reminder of her angry outburst.

But in the midst of the dulling pain, Bella realised she'd gotten a sense of relief from the experience. She thought it odd that her mind had suddenly cleared, just for a moment, before it fleetingly disappeared. Would physical pain help her to pay for her misdeeds?

Testing her theory, Bella ran her fingernail swiftly up her arm, adding enough pressure so that the line glowed a bright white before fading to a faint pink. In the brief moment that the pain arrived, Bella's mind could focus. Focus on something other than _him._

She needed more, though. Her bitten fingernails couldn't provide enough to sufficiently distract her. She contemplated if she had the guts to take it further. Bella didn't think of it as hurting herself, merely as a way to help get on with life.

She'd seen the statistics, of course. Read the articles about teens resorting to drugs, alcohol, self-harm and even suicide, but she had never thought she would become one of the many. _No_, she reminded herself, _I'm not like them – all I want is to feel something. It's not as though I'm going to get into the whole drug scene and stuff like that anyway_.

Bella was still unsure as to whether she would go through with her plan as she quietly crept down the hallway to the bathroom, praying that Charlie wouldn't come and disturb her should she go ahead with it. The cool tiles of the bathroom floor on the bare soles of her feet reminded Bella of his touch, making her decision final as she then fumbled for a razor blade in the cupboard.

She really was going through with it, but as she held the offending piece of metal in her palm, she wondered if she was capable of dragging it across her wrist to deliberately make herself bleed. Once she had done this, she knew there was no going back. _He_ had always told her to look after herself so would she be able to go directly against his word?

An image of them together in the meadow suddenly appeared in her mind and she thought that everything he had said to her was a lie. All the promises he had made were broken, so he could go to hell if breaking one promise made her worse than him. So yes, she could, and would, go ahead with it.

Bella's hand trembled as she slowly balanced the blade so that the shiny metallic edge stood out against her pale skin. Adding the smallest amount of pressure, she dragged the blade upwards so that a faint white line appeared on her skin before it faded into a pale pink, much like using her own fingernails.

That wasn't good enough for Bella as it had barely hurt to do that and there was no flooding of the emotion she was so desperately searching for. So, she lined the razor blade up again before jerking it roughly along the length of her arm. She felt a twinge of pain as the blood rushed to the surface and seeped out the edge of the long cut.

Glancing down at her work, Bella felt an unexpected sense of joy. She had created that angry looking red line that shone against her porcelain skin. For the first time in months, Bella was feeling _something_. She didn't care in that moment that she had become a statistic; she felt human again and that was all that mattered.

Within minutes, a collection of similar incisions had appeared up her left arm; some were deeper and longer than others but each had contributed to the high she was riding. It was a relief to Bella that she was still capable of feelings but, as time passed, she felt herself come back from the self-induced happiness that was now being replaced by guilt.

She instantly pictured Charlie sitting downstairs in front of the television, oblivious to what his daughter was doing right above him. The guilt wasn't just for her actions, though. It was for feeling some happiness when all she thought she was supposed to feel was pain. Reality came crashing back down soon enough as the rusty smell of Bella's blood hit her nose, leaving her light-headed and with a churning stomach.

_Good job _he_ isn't here right now,_ Bella thought wryly as she swiftly placed her arm under the tap, allowing the cold water to wash out the cuts. The same blood that one vampire in particular had controlled his thirst for so strictly was now running freely down the drain, tinged a murky orange-brown from the dilution of the water.

Returning the clean blade to the cupboard behind the mirror, Bella noticed that although her eyes were still lifeless in comparison to how they used to look, if you looked carefully, there was a slight light in them that there hadn't been before.

Pleased with the results of her newfound activity, Bella tiptoed back to her room and found a grey sweater that would cover her arm before making her way back downstairs. As she had suspected, Charlie was lounging on the sofa watching a game on television but he turned around as he felt the hovering figure behind him.

"Erm, hi, Bells," Charlie said, clearing his throat. "Are you okay?" he questioned, noticing that she was fidgeting nervously with the cuff of her sweater.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Bella answered quickly, anxiously wondering if he noticed a difference in her already and had figured out what she'd been up to only minutes beforehand. Silently, she vowed that she would ensure that Charlie never found out her secret. She knew that he wouldn't see it how she saw it – helping her to become a normal person again, someone who was in control of their life.

"I was just going to bed," she continued, wanting to escape to her room in case Charlie spotted the scabs that were starting to form beneath the fleecy material.

"But it's only quarter to eight Bells. Don't you want to hang out with your friends or just get out of the house for a while? I thought you were going to try and socialise more now that you've been back at school for a while." Whilst Charlie tried to remain optimistic, Bella still noticed the hint of defeat in his tone.

_Most fathers would be pleased their daughter was at home on a Friday night_, Bella thought grimly, so why did Charlie have to be so insistent to get her out and about? She remembered that she was going to act normal for Charlie's sake though, and realised that it would be better if she wasn't constantly under his radar; there was less chance of him discovering her scarred skin that way.

With a plan to spark more emotion into her world and please Charlie, Bella calmly stated she was going to bed early because she was going shopping in Port Angeles tomorrow. Charlie was momentarily stunned at her words before a huge grin broke out on his face – the sort that made him look how Bella remembered him as a child.

"That's great, Bells, really great!" His tone echoed the joy that was written clearly over his face. "Now you spend as long as you want out shopping – don't you worry about cooking dinner tomorrow night either. I'll order in some pizza or something."

Bella allowed herself a small bit of pride – it was so easy to please Charlie and make him believe she was doing an activity he knew she hated. The guilt then followed as she realised he wouldn't be acting like this if he knew what she was planning on doing tomorrow. Charlie had wanted her to act like a normal teenager, though, and that was exactly what Bella was going to do. Well, she was pushing the boundaries slightly when she said 'normal teenager' – this sort of thing wasn't what all the Forks High students tended to spend a Saturday doing.

"Thanks Dad," she quietly murmured, forcing a smile onto her face. "So…I'm going to go to sleep now."

"Sure, Bella, sure! Have fun tomorrow!" Charlie was still intoxicated by what he viewed as an 'improvement' in Bella.

Brushing her teeth in the bathroom, Bella dejectedly noticed that the spark in her eyes had faded along with the emotions she had felt whilst cutting. Now that she knew there was a way to at least temporarily break free from the numbness, there was nothing that was going to stop her from reaching it again.

Sinking into bed, she thought of other things she could do after tomorrow that would bring some sort of emotion into her world. Of course, she found it was hard to find things that wouldn't actually kill her. She had to stay alive for Charlie after all.

It was strange how much Bella had changed in one day – from a Grade A student to thinking of dangerous activities she could participate in. Bella didn't realise, however, that the more she tried to combat the numbness with life-threatening activities and gain control her life, the deeper she was pulling herself into a place where she would be powerless against the addiction.

Bella was, of course, oblivious to this as she drifted into unconsciousness, a smile creeping up onto her lips as she awaited the familiar nightmare that would inevitably come. No matter how much it frightened her, she still welcomed any image of _him._ A reminder that he hadn't been a figment of her imagination and that he was still on the same earth as her – perhaps not as far away as she'd led herself to believe.

Who would have thought that a fragile, human girl could keep a strong coven of vampires together?

Several thousand miles away, seven vampires were falling apart because Bella was no longer part of their lives. Esme and Carlisle had felt as though they had lost a daughter, and they missed being able to take care of someone as though they were actually their child.

Emmett no longer had a sister that he could tease about her human antics and, although Rosalie had never taken a liking to Bella and resented the fact that her family was sad about leaving her, she hated seeing her family upset about anything. Even she would put up with the human girl being around if things returned to normal.

Alice had not only lost a shopping partner and someone to torture with her makeovers, but a best friend. She was desperate to return to Bella and was furious that Edward had been so selfish in making them move away from Forks. It wasn't just him that had become attached to her. Alice had also been forbidden to look for Bella's future – not that she would be able to see much of it nowadays as she was no longer attuned to it.

Jasper, well, he wasn't doing too well either. The constant whirlwind of emotions was driving him crazy and he had even had to leave several weeks ago because it had become too much. There was only so much self-loathing, sorrow, anger and regret that he could deal with before finally snapping. No matter how hard it had been to control his thirst for Bella's blood, he would do it a thousand times over if she would re-enter their life and make all the pieces fall into place again.

The first few days after they had left Forks had consisted of many angry thoughts that had been accompanied by the crashing of furniture upstairs, but now there was silence in the Cullen household. All Edward did was remember.

Oh, Edward. Jasper had to stay as far away from him as possible because the self-hatred radiating from his room was unbearable. He was devastated that he had abandoned his Bella – it had been the most difficult task in his entire existence. What other choice did he have, though? They had already interfered enough with her comparatively short life. Staying any longer could only result in destroying the future of an angel. There was no way he would have been able to take her soul either, to damn her to this immortality in the shadows.

Edward didn't realise, however, that on the other side of the world Bella had already given up on living. All she was doing was a façade for other people. Unknowingly, he had taken her precious soul with him that very day in the forest three months ago, and that she was spilling blood in his memory. He couldn't comprehend how a mere human girl could match his feelings and magnetic attraction.

Alice's vision of Bella as one of them had been crystal clear – as certain as there being a tomorrow, but no matter how often the others said never to bet against Alice, Edward was adamant that Bella's life would be spared. Alice had no way of knowing if Bella's future was still on this path with their departure because, not only would Edward go spiralling out of control again, but she was afraid of what she might find.

They say time is a healer but, when you live forever, time has less meaning. The agony of leaving Bella had not faded, but it was perhaps more correct to say that the Cullens had become resigned to the idea that they wouldn't be seeing her anytime soon.

Alice suddenly found herself in a vision, gasping when she realised who she was looking at. A girl with murky brunette hair was flashing a mischievous smile at a man on the other side of the bar, motioning with her index finger for him to come over to her. Alice only saw snippets of other things to come – the guy with his arm around the girl, the stench of alcohol and scraps of clothing. Each image was fuzzier than the last, but the intention was still evident.

A roar from upstairs snapped her out of the vision as Alice was met with a wild Edward, a snarl reverberating from deep within his chest and teeth bared inches from Alice's thin neck.

"How dare you look into her future." Those words were spat out and his tone matched the look of fury on his face. Looking into his cold, staring eyes, Alice realised how the girl from her vision had looked familiar yet so different. It was obviously Bella, but her eyes weren't the warm chocolate colour that sparkled whenever she smiled – they were empty and sad, like Edward's.

"I didn't look for her future, it just appeared!" she replied thunderously, angry at Edward again for tearing her away from her sister and best friend. Alice managed to muster some control so that she could try and reason with Edward before he returned to brooding in his room. "Edward, go back to her," she continued in a softer tone after seeing the raw pain in his eyes. "She needs you. Who's going to protect her?"

The indecision was clear on his face as Alice was met with images of Edward and Bella reuniting and then others of Edward alone in his room again, his eyes a flat black from lack of hunting and his clothes dishevelled.

"The vision doesn't change anything. Bella deserves better than me and I'm glad she's moving on," Edward said emotionlessly. "Anyway, how much trouble can she get into in Forks?"

With that he swept out of the room, but Alice saw straight through his lies. He was mad and jealous at seeing Bella with someone else, despite causing her to move on in the first place. Alice realised with a sigh that something wasn't right with the vision though. The Bella she knew would never have been acting like that, but her eyes had been different, proving that Bella wasn't the same girl they all knew and loved. Alice didn't like not understanding what was happening, but one thing she was certain of, was that Bella _could_ get into a lot of trouble in Forks.

**A/N: Well there you go! **

**As I said in the A/N at the beginning self-harm is not something that I condone and if you do harm yourself or are thinking of doing so please speak to someone or message me – you're not alone and there are people that can help you to get through your pain in a much better way.**

**Anyway, my little heath and safety warning is over and the next chapter will be up asap.**

**Reviews are better than a furious Edward ;) and the best reviewer will also receive a dedication in the next chapter. **

**Thanks for reading,**

_**CrazyLittleWriter**_


	5. The Best Intentions

**Author's Note:**

**I must apologize for how long it has taken me to update. Unfortunately, real life has been really hectic with exams and other things. Hopefully I'll be able to update quicker now it's the summer, so watch this space…**

**Thanks, as always, go to those who read and review this story – you have no idea how much it means to me. This chapter is dedicated to **_gaby47_** – thanks for your lovely review!**

**I also have to thank **_HeathersTwilight_** who made me a wonderful banner for this story which you can check out on Twilighted (dot) net**

**Last, but most definitely not least, I must thank**_ LisaDawn_** who makes these chapters readable for you.**

**Anyway, I think I've rambled long enough now so here's the next chapter. Oh, and I don't own Twilight (as I'm sure you all know) but the plot of this fanfic is mine, okay?**

_"The greatest harm can result from the best intentions."_

_Stone of Tears_

She awoke in anticipation, a plan formed perfectly in her mind. For once she was eager to get out of bed, keen to do something. It would never be the same anticipation that set her heart racing when meeting _him_, but it was an improvement all the same.

It was sunny for once in Forks, so Charlie had gone fishing with Billy, leaving Bella with the house for herself. The morning passed quickly as she did the laundry, cleaned the dishes and completed a bit of homework. Fixing herself some lunch, Bella went through the plan once more in her head.

"I can do this," Bella murmured aloud. "I can do this, I can do this…oh, what am I thinking? There's no _way_ I can follow through with this."

Frustrated, Bella stomped up the stairs before roughly pulling off her clothes and stepping into the shower. Bella's muscles automatically relaxed as she felt the warm water caress her back. She inhaled the familiar scent of shampoo that was being lathered into her hair.

With her hair soap-free and her body carefully washed, she stepped out and dried herself thoroughly with a fluffy towel. Next, she shaved her legs and underarms carefully, making sure every hair disappeared. A bit too much pressure was applied to her skin, and Bella revelled in the discomfort it caused, a wry smile creeping up when she spotted the blood appearing from the scratches she had created. Luckily, they weren't too noticeable; it saved explaining them to someone too perceptive for their own good.

Ever since that day in class when she had focused on the teacher's words to the point that they began to make no sense, Bella had learned to busy herself in order to keep the painful memories from seeping into her mind. So, for the next couple of hours, she did everything from sorting out her closet to cleaning the oven. The time passed slowly, but eventually five o'clock rolled around and it was time to get dressed for the night.

She needed something drastic to wear...something _not_ Bella, which was quite difficult, seeing as it was her closet. A blue shirt? No, _he _liked her in that colour. A khaki skirt? No, she wore that the first time she met _his _family. But instead of causing her to shed tears, the reminders only made her more determined to find something suitable to wear.

Yes! At the back of her closet underneath several items was a shopping bag that had not been opened since the items were placed in there. A bag full of clothes bought by Alice. Taking a deep breath, she opened up the bag to find the perfect outfit: a long-sleeved v-neck white shirt and a black skirt with a slit up the back.

After putting it on, she realised that it was still too...modest. So she put a black lace bra on underneath the shirt and rolled the waistband of the skirt up several times. To complete the look, she added some fishnet tights she had bought with Jessica as a joke and a pair of black heeled boots.

Bella's make-up was another story. She had never really applied much before except a bit of mascara and lip gloss, but she decided that tonight deserved a bit more attention. She chose to go for a 'smoky eye look' which ended up making her look like she had a black eye instead. So in the end, she just put on some eye-liner, a couple of coats of mascara and went for the daring choice of red lipstick.

Walking over to the floor length mirror, Bella braced herself for the new her. Looking back at her in the mirror was a confident and sexy girl that you didn't mess with. She didn't let boys…or other creatures mess her around. She was her own person. Bella was shocked by her appearance, but decided things couldn't get any worse than they already were. It was the perfect way to cover up the real Bella that she had to protect, too.

Bella's old truck rumbled to life once more as she pulled out of the driveway. The loud rattling of the engine prevented the journey from being silent without the radio on. She had long since removed the stereo that _his_ family had bought for her. She had torn it out with the bare fingers, clawing desperately until just a hole remained – just another hole to add to her life.

An internal battle was currently going on with the more sane side of Bella's brain insisting she was crazy, and the more daring side telling her to go for it. In the end the daring side won and she stepped out onto the sidewalk outside a club in Port Angeles.

She had heard several conversations about this particular nightclub in the cafeteria at lunch, mainly about how it was supposed to be the coolest place to hang out, but the strictest on I.D. So, she stupidly thought the first thing in her quest to become 'normal' would be to get into a club underage and have a drink at the most difficult place to enter.

As she walked up to the entrance, Bella heard the thumping music and bubble of voices from inside. What worried her the most, however, were the two intimidating looking bouncers outside. They were both over 6 feet in height and looked as though they were made of steel.

The next few hours were like an out of body experience for Bella. She was no longer the quiet, sensible and considerable Bella, but a confident, sexy and daring young woman. She put her shoulders back, undid the first couple of buttons on her shirt and then lifted her head, putting on what she thought to be a mischievous grin.

She strutted up to the bouncers, swinging her hips and gave them a cheeky wink. _Oh God, what the hell am I doing?_ Bella thought. _This is never going to work. I should be back at home moping on my bed. _

"Have a good night, darling," the bouncer announced, returning her grin and stepping aside.

_Wow. It really did work – I, Bella Swan, am in a club. Wait, Bella is only here in body, not mind. She never would have actually gone through with the plan._

So, stage one was complete – enter a club. The two other things on her three-point plan were having a drink and chatting with a guy. Taking a glance around the club, she knew there were plenty of males that she could talk to but none seemed to grab her attention, not like...

_Stop it Bella! You are here to do something different and slightly dangerous, not dwell on the past._

Gathering her courage, she stepped up to the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender was too busy eyeing up a blonde sitting on the other side of the club to bother seeing if she was underage before handing over the ice cold bottle. Bella struggled to keep the bitter liquid down as she took a swig from it.

Deciding it would be best to finish her drink before completing the plan, she chugged the remaining alcohol down and left the bottle on the counter.

On the other side of the club, someone became aware of Bella's presence. He was appreciative of her attire, as he looked her up and down before settling on her chest. She would do for tonight, he thought. Time to turn the charm on.

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella noticed the stranger that was admiring her from afar. A smirk appeared on his tanned face as he caught her watching him. On closer inspection, he wasn't that bad looking – large blue eyes and a mop of messy blonde hair complete with a million dollar smile.

But his eyes weren't deep or ochre in colour, his hair didn't have the same casual disarray and Bella preferred a crooked grin any day.

However, Bella's bronze-haired boy was no longer hers and she needed to feel something again. The numbness had returned almost instantly after her cutting session. She needed to feel fear, excitement, adrenaline, anything.

So she looked directly into those shallow blue eyes and beckoned him over with her index finger. He was stunned for a moment, surprised that she had made the first move. It made things easier for him if she was interested though. His signature smile appeared whilst he strode arrogantly over to where Bella was stood.

"So, what's your name?" The stranger asked in a husky tone. "I'm Luke."

"Rosalie," she replied instantly before realising whose name she had used. Her brain had figured that only someone like Rosalie would be confident enough to do this sort of thing. Unfortunately, he would have to put up with her simple looks, she thought.

"Well then Rose, let me get you a drink," he stated cockily, using what he thought would be her preferred nickname. Before she could protest, he was already ordering a martini from the bar.

"Where are you from? I'm sure I would have noticed a girl as pretty as you around here before."

"Ummm." She couldn't tell him she lived in Forks. Things spread like wildfire around there, and she certainly didn't want Charlie knowing his underage daughter had been to a club, drinking alcohol.

"I'm on vacation." The lies spilled easily from her lips. "I live in Phoenix." Well she used to, so at least if he started asking questions about it, then she could answer them. It would be rather difficult making up a story about her life in somewhere like Britain which she knew nothing about.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

His bluntness caught Bella off guard. Luke didn't want to get involved if there was a boyfriend around. Through past experiences he had learnt that it wasn't worth the trouble, although he considered bending them a bit for this 'Rose'.

Avoiding the question, Bella gulped down some of her Martini – it tasted much better than the beer she'd had earlier.

"So..." Luke gestured with his hand, looking expectant.

For most people, this would be a simple yes or no answer. Black and white. Chalk and cheese. But Bella was always the unfortunate one, stuck in the grey, in-between pile.

She could say no. That wouldn't be lying after all. Nobody called her 'their Bella' and the one person who had, could never be considered such a small thing as a _boy_friend. He was far from it.

She could say yes. This Luke guy would realise she was taken and Bella thought he would find someone else to play with. After inspecting 'Rose' closer though, Luke had the same intentions whether she was taken or not – screw the consequences.

Saying yes wouldn't be lying either. Nobody called her their own, but she had already given her heart and soul to someone, even if she couldn't have his in return. Never would someone be able to have the same hold over her or form the connection that she once had.

Bella became frustrated for allowing herself to wallow in her thoughts, so she took the easy option, as always, deciding to distract herself from the problem at hand.

"Why don't we get some shots?"

Luke was taken aback by 'Rose's' forwardness, not pegging her to be the type to be a heavy drinker, but ordered the shots all the same.

"So what d'ya think of Port Angeles?" Luke asked, his arm resting casually around her shoulders. His touch was hot, too hot, and she couldn't help but wish for the icy cold fingertips that would cool her down in the humid atmosphere.

"It's alright," Bella replied distractedly. She could feel the alcohol start to seep through her body, the way it made everything around seem different. Sharp lines became fuzzy, near object were suddenly further away and the floor was suddenly much closer as she swayed on her heels.

"Woah!" Strong arms quickly saved her from yet another meeting with the ground and she sank into them, feeling at home, safe. The world seemed a much nicer place when Bella was being held. The limbs seemed to hold her broken body together and, just for a moment, she thought she was Rose, not Bella with all the baggage attached.

"Need a knight in shining armour?" Bella instantly stiffened, panic holding her body taught like a puppeteer's maisonette. She'd let her guard down. She was not safe in this stranger's arms and the world was a cruel and lonely place.

"I think I'm going to go out for a bit of fresh air," she mumbled, desperate to try and clear her head.

Dodging the sweaty bodies on her way out, Bella's breath caught in her throat as she spotted a flash of bronze hair. Wheeling round, she realised she'd been mistaken. Familiar laughter filtered through her ears as she wildly tried to place it. Once more, she came up short.

Bella no longer liked this place, the way it played tricks on her mind. The alcohol had been a bad idea too, she decided. She'd wanted to forget the memories for an evening, become a stronger person. But the alcohol had rendered her powerless and Bella felt like she was drowning in the mass of people.

"Hey Rose - wait for me!" Luke called, his voice becoming swallowed by the music.

He managed to catch up with Bella quickly, grabbing her wrist and tugging it sharply.

"You weren't going to leave me all alone were you?" He feigned sadness before breaking into a smirk.

Bella didn't have much coordination sober, but drunk and in heels she was a complete disaster and the force of his pull sent her toppling into his side. In an effort to stand upright, she clawed at his shirt.

"Eager are we?" he whispered in her ear. Bella missed the meaning of his words, but his tight grasp left her no other choice but to follow like a lost puppy.

The cool breeze was welcoming against her flushed cheeks and her ears were ringing once in the quiet street from the pounding music.

Wasting no time, Luke strode towards an empty alleyway, pushing Bella's body up against the wall. The rough bricks offered no comfort to her thumping headache.

"I've wanted to do this since I set eyes on that body of yours," he stated, an edge to his voice as he leaned closer.

Bella was frozen to the spot, unsure of what to do and then his lips crashed into hers. These weren't the cold, careful kisses she was used to. They were desperate, hard and wet, his hands roaming over her body of their own accord.

The stench of alcohol on his breath was revolting, but she wasn't strong enough to push him off her. His hands trailed boldly up her sides before resting on her chest. He began to slowly unbutton the white shirt before becoming frustrated and tearing it from her body. The buttons bounced as they hit the concrete, echoing off the walls.

That was it – he had no right to touch what wasn't his to touch. She _did_ belong to someone whether they wanted her or not – the real Bella had returned and the confident, sexy Rosalie had disappeared, abandoning her in an alleyway in the middle of the night.

So she leaned in as though to kiss him, feeling him loosen his hold before she ducked away and ran.

She pushed her legs harder than she had ever done before, leaving the heels way back with that disgusting man by the name of Luke. He could consider it a gift, she thought wryly – it was all he was getting from her.

Once she was sure that she was far enough away from him, she stopped and caught her breath.

The reality of her situation suddenly came crashing down. There was no way she could drive home – the constant talks from Charlie about the number of accidents from drunk drivers had taught her that it was the one way she could make this evening worse.

Secondly, Charlie, being the Chief of Police, would be able to smell the alcohol on her breath from four states away.

She groaned. This had been a stupid idea. What had see been thinking? Getting drunk and then letting a stranger kiss her in an alleyway? That wasn't Bella doing those things- it was someone else.

The cool air was strangely sobering, allowing Bella to feel the full force of her mistakes. She wished that she was back moping in her bedroom, snuggled up in her covers without the stench of smoke clinging to her clothing.

Bella managed to find her way back to her truck, sliding down the side of it so she was sat on the gravel. She had to hold her shirt together without the buttons, her skirt was mucky from being pressed against the wall and her fishnet tights were torn from running.

She didn't even want to think about what her make-up or hair looked like now. Bella's eyes drooped as she allowed her mind to think back to the events of the evening. Her memory was different though. It was not Luke kissing her, but one of the men from the day she had been shopping with Angela and Jessica in Port Angeles. The others surrounding him in a loose semi-circle and this time someone did save her. A Volvo skidded around the corner and there he was in all his beauty. Eyes dark with fury, his bronze hair wind-swept from running.

But then the man morphed back into Luke and her saviour's image faded until he was no longer there. That was what had really happened. No one had been there to save her this time. She was alone.

The tears spilled over and Bella had never felt so small or lost. Bella wallowed in her self pity for a few moments longer before realising that she didn't have to be alone. People, or more specifically, someone, had offered to be there for her.

Removing her cell phone from her purse, Bella scrolled through the contacts before reaching the one she wanted. It rang a couple of times before a kind voice answered, "Hello?"

"Hi…it's Bella…Bella Swan. Would you come help me?" Bella whispered hoarsely, clinging onto the tendrils of comfort Angela's voice offered.

**A/N:**

**Well there you go! Thanks so much for reading and I'll see you at the next update!**

**CrazyLittleWriter**

**P.S. If you want a dedication in the next chapter, then you have to leave the best review for this chapter **


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